Recently me and Boyfriend seem to have got into a bit of competitive ‘tireding’. It goes a bit like this:
I say (having been given a lie in until 8am): What time did Gertie wake up?
(I mean: I hope it wasn’t so early Boyfriend thinks he can go back to bed)
He says: I’m not sure, about 5.30am. I’m shattered.
(He means: 6am. I’m so much more tired than you)
I say: Oh dear
(I mean: I bet it was more like 6.30am. Stop complaining about being tired. I look after the kids all week while you swan off to work. That makes me MORE TIRED THAN YOU)
He says: How are you feeling?
(He means: Aren’t you lucky you had a lie in. You’d better give me one tomorrow)
I say: I’m quite tired. She was up a fair bit in the night.
(I mean: Didn’t you hear me? I’m more tired than you. Don’t go thinking I owe you a lie in tomorrow.)
He says: Oh was she? I didn’t hear.
(He means: I heard you and you were up ONCE in the night)
I say: Is there coffee in the pot?
(I mean: Did I mention I’m tired? I need a coffee just to get going – that’s how tired I am)
He says: It’s probably cold
(He means: I made it hours ago, while you were enjoying a lie-in – something I haven’t enjoyed for months…)
And so our day begins.