Uncomfortable questions from a 4-year-old

“Why are willies sometimes straight and sometimes bendy?” Stan’s reasonable question when he woke up for a wee last night with an erection.

Erm, anyone know a four-year-old-friendly version of that one? I’m all up for straightforward, no-nonsense answers when it comes to kids’ tricky questions, but seriously, any suggestions?

This is an area I probably need some practice in generally. The other day at the Natural History Museum we found ourselves in front of the ‘which sperm will successfully implant the egg’ exhibit. Stan, naturally, wanted to know what was going on. My great moment of motherhood? I pretended I couldn’t hear him, even when he repeated his question. Twice. In a louder voice each time. I’m pretty sure the seven or eight people nearby could hear him well enough.

Sperm and eggs isn’t even difficult to explain: a bit of daddy looks for a bit of mummy and together they make a baby (that is what happens, right?). I think it was the pressure of an audience that got to me. I’m sure my fellow museum-goers were lingering, hoping for a bit of entertainment at my expense. But as for last night’s question, I am at a genuine loss. He’s too old to fob off and too young to explain it properly to. When he was two and a half he told a friend of mine that touching his willy made it go big and felt nice (as he sat next to her touching said willy). Back then we could just ruffle his hair while we avoided eye contact, laughing silently. Now I think he probably deserves better.

Blooming bodies and their hideous functions.



Filed under Family

4 responses to “Uncomfortable questions from a 4-year-old

  1. You’ll get it! Try to anticipate questions, I guess, so you have a stock of answers ready. LoL. Also, this is why I want girls O.o

  2. Isn’t the answer the same as the classic feminist cartoon: “Mummy, what’s an orgasm?” “I don’t know – ask your father.”

  3. great auntie gertie

    Easy peasy this one .Wash his mouth out with soap and water, followed by a good dose of Milk of Magnesia ( and for those of you too young to remember – this means chewing 6-8 chalk tablets until they dissolve – about 4 hours ) and before bedtime a luke warm shallow Vim bath . ( and again for those of you too young to remember this is similar to Milk of Magnesia – exceot the chalky substance sticks to your skin for roughly 4 days ) . Cures all say Betty & Jack Pritchard. Stopped me asking the same question twice .

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