Tag Archives: humour

Stanley says… #2

“I’m not willy obsessed anymore.”

Stanley, aged 4 1/2

I’m sorry darling, that’s a lifelong affliction.

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My List of Shame: are organic veg boxes harming the environment?

Excuse the handwriting

Ok, ok, the headline is a bit extreme. It’s not like those weekly waxed-boxes are flying private helicopters to climate change conferences or anything. I’m just wondering how many shrivelled turnips and soggy Swiss chard are filling up food waste boxes because of people’s good-intentioned ordering. I know in our house we have been shockingly wasteful with food at times, particularly when we get a box of veg we’re not too keen on. Would the environment actually be better off if we bought our veg from the end of the road, as and when we needed it?  Our purses would certainly be fuller, but the produce would most likely have been flown in and certainly not organic. Continue reading

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I’m more tired than you. No, I’m more tired than you

Recently me and Boyfriend seem to have got into a bit of competitive ‘tireding’. It goes a bit like this:

I say (having been given a lie in until 8am): What time did Gertie wake up?
(I mean: I hope it wasn’t so early Boyfriend thinks he can go back to bed)

He says: I’m not sure, about 5.30am. I’m shattered.
(He means: 6am. I’m so much more tired than you)

I say: Oh dear
(I mean: I bet it was more like 6.30am. Stop complaining about being tired. I look after the kids all week while you swan off to work. That makes me MORE TIRED THAN YOU)

He says: How are you feeling?
(He means: Aren’t you lucky you had a lie in. You’d better give me one tomorrow)

I say: I’m quite tired. She was up a fair bit in the night.
(I mean: Didn’t you hear me? I’m more tired than you. Don’t go thinking I owe you a lie in tomorrow.)

He says: Oh was she? I didn’t hear.
(He means: I heard you and you were up ONCE in the night)

I say: Is there coffee in the pot?
(I mean: Did I mention I’m tired? I need a coffee just to get going – that’s how tired I am)

He says: It’s probably cold
(He means: I made it hours ago, while you were enjoying a lie-in – something I haven’t enjoyed for months…)

And so our day begins.

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Five things a good mother wouldn’t do

In the midst of all this blogging and crafting and baking I realise I am at risk of coming across a bit Stepford or supermum. So, just to set the record straight – here’s five things a good mother probably wouldn’t do (but I have).

1) Skip the plate stage and put food straight on the floor.
Yes, I confess. But desperate times lead to desperate measures (why won’t the buggers just EAT??), and anyway, they seem to prefer it a la linoleum.

2) Allow play with inappropriate objects just because it keeps them quiet.
“Don’t be ridiculous of course a 15-month-old shouldn’t be allowed to play with a £500 mobile phone. Oh, it keeps her quiet for 45 seconds you say? Go right ahead.”

Then there’s the destructive play. I run a constant ticker tape, calculating energy-required-to-tidy-up-mess-being-made VS energy-saved-by-getting-a-break-while-destruction-is-wreaked. Eg toilet roll unravelling = well worth it. Emptying clothes draw on the other hand, is not.  This is Gertie’s latest ‘toy’:

See how happy and contented and QUIET she is? Definitely worth it.

3) Allow big brother to dress little sister just because it keeps him happy. This picture was taken in March and yes, we did leave the house like this.

Believe me, this is better than some of the combos Stan has chosen for her.

4) Invent role-playing games that allow you to doze while playing. Classics include doctors and nurses where you are the patient; Christmas Eve when you are the sleeping child waiting for Santa; night-time at the farm etc. But my personal favourite is ‘Builders’ – I am always on a tea break. He falls for it every time. Ha!

5) Do anything for a good photo op – even if it makes your child cry. Oh come on, everybody does that – don’t they?

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