Stanley: “Oh no, I can’t dress up as Michael Jackson as a little boy because I haven’t got brown skin. I’ll have to be Michael Jackson as a grown up.”
Tag Archives: parenting
“I’m not willy obsessed anymore.”
Stanley, aged 4 1/2
I’m sorry darling, that’s a lifelong affliction.
Recently me and Boyfriend seem to have got into a bit of competitive ‘tireding’. It goes a bit like this:
I say (having been given a lie in until 8am): What time did Gertie wake up?
(I mean: I hope it wasn’t so early Boyfriend thinks he can go back to bed)
He says: I’m not sure, about 5.30am. I’m shattered.
(He means: 6am. I’m so much more tired than you)
I say: Oh dear
(I mean: I bet it was more like 6.30am. Stop complaining about being tired. I look after the kids all week while you swan off to work. That makes me MORE TIRED THAN YOU)
He says: How are you feeling?
(He means: Aren’t you lucky you had a lie in. You’d better give me one tomorrow)
I say: I’m quite tired. She was up a fair bit in the night.
(I mean: Didn’t you hear me? I’m more tired than you. Don’t go thinking I owe you a lie in tomorrow.)
He says: Oh was she? I didn’t hear.
(He means: I heard you and you were up ONCE in the night)
I say: Is there coffee in the pot?
(I mean: Did I mention I’m tired? I need a coffee just to get going – that’s how tired I am)
He says: It’s probably cold
(He means: I made it hours ago, while you were enjoying a lie-in – something I haven’t enjoyed for months…)
And so our day begins.
In the midst of all this blogging and crafting and baking I realise I am at risk of coming across a bit Stepford or supermum. So, just to set the record straight – here’s five things a good mother probably wouldn’t do (but I have).
1) Skip the plate stage and put food straight on the floor.
Yes, I confess. But desperate times lead to desperate measures (why won’t the buggers just EAT??), and anyway, they seem to prefer it a la linoleum.
2) Allow play with inappropriate objects just because it keeps them quiet.
“Don’t be ridiculous of course a 15-month-old shouldn’t be allowed to play with a £500 mobile phone. Oh, it keeps her quiet for 45 seconds you say? Go right ahead.”
Then there’s the destructive play. I run a constant ticker tape, calculating energy-required-to-tidy-up-mess-being-made VS energy-saved-by-getting-a-break-while-destruction-is-wreaked. Eg toilet roll unravelling = well worth it. Emptying clothes draw on the other hand, is not. This is Gertie’s latest ‘toy’:
3) Allow big brother to dress little sister just because it keeps him happy. This picture was taken in March and yes, we did leave the house like this.
4) Invent role-playing games that allow you to doze while playing. Classics include doctors and nurses where you are the patient; Christmas Eve when you are the sleeping child waiting for Santa; night-time at the farm etc. But my personal favourite is ‘Builders’ – I am always on a tea break. He falls for it every time. Ha!
5) Do anything for a good photo op – even if it makes your child cry. Oh come on, everybody does that – don’t they?
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and that was certainly true when we left London to live in Shanghai for a year in 2009. In China entertaining Stanley usually involved a sweaty 45-minute cab ride across the city just to visit a soft play area, such was the dearth of accessible and affordable things to do with kids. Here in London there is an embarrassment of freebies – museums, galleries, children’s centres, city farms etc etc. But my favourite of all, is the parks – specifically, local playgrounds. Continue reading
(Sitting on the toilet)
“Don’t let me fall down into the poo tank. That would be nasty.
But if I fell into the poo tank with you, that would be ok.”
We found love in a hopeless place.
I’m taking part in a blogging Pinterest crafting challenge! (This will come as no surprise to those who know me well, it was only a matter of time before something like this happened). It’s very simple – you find something you want to make on Pinterest, make it, and then show everyone else.
It really is easy-peasy. You just cut strips of netting into lengths (I ordered mine off eBay – £2.99 for 25yds). Fold them in half and lay on top of a ribbon or piece of elastic Continue reading